I recently read an article that outlined how women can make a man happy. With a title like “The Only Needs Men Have” you would think this master list of the ins and outs to male nirvana in a relationship takes more than 5 minutes to read! Now, Spencer Burnett is in fact a man so, by default, I must concede that he is the indisputable authority on the subject of male happiness. However, are men truly that simple? Stroking of the ego, stomach, and dick are all it takes for a man to feel satisfied in a relationship? I’ve talked to a lot of different men in my life and all have trumpeted the same tune…men are easy. Sex, food, and encouraging words are the way to a man’s heart and sustainable gratification. On the surface I would buy it, but the good stuff is rarely floating on top. After digging a little deeper, I challenge the myth that men are so effortlessly pleased. If that were the case, the infidelity rates would be substantially lower. I take issue with the perpetuated legend of male simplicity and conclude that it’s false advertising.

Good cook=good woman. The symbol of domesticity and traditional trademark of “wife” material is the ability to skillfully prepare and serve up a carnivorous feast for her man. {If you’re looking for that statement to be followed up with the dissection of misogynistic gender roles, you’re going to be disappointed. This is not the post.} However, what I will carefully carve and serve is a challenge that a warm meal and fancy place setting will get a woman 30% closer to capturing a man’s heart and solidifying his commitment. Sure, men like to eat…shit, I like to eat, but tri-tip and baby back ribs…seriously? Nope, not buying it. It’s not the meal men crave; it’s the showing of affection. Her simple act of service shows him how much she cares, just like mom used to do! But wait…this PSA just got complicated when you realize the demonstration of affection in a familial and familiar form is the logo of love. Men are not savoring the meal but the taste of home sweet home.

Men are big into self-worth but the myriad of ways to achieve Zen of the male Id are dizzying. The puffing of sexual prowess, desirability, wage earning machismo, and Rico Suave-swag would be a tall enough order but to really stroke a man’s ego he has to genuinely believe that YOU genuinely believe he is all that and a bag of chips. Masculinity and the depth of male character go beyond fist bumps and primitive grunts, it requires knowing him intimately. His insecurities, fears, past experiences, and future goals must be exposed before you can penetrate the surface of how to erect his self-esteem. A plunging neckline may get his woman noticed and elevate his pride but only by delving into the intricate nuances of his cranium can his confidence grow.

Blow jobs, cock rings, and trashy lingerie make for a rollicking good time but are hardly the ways to a man’s heart. Sex is important in relationships but rarely do men confuse intermingling limbs with tangled hearts. Without sex you’re roommates, then again, with only sex you’re fuck buddies. Men will eventually seek greener pastures even if the nooky is his wet dream. Why? One word: intimacy. Rolling around naked may be an intimate act but never to be confused for intimacy. Men lust for mutual gratification and an emotional connection just as much as women, without them sex will become meaningless exercise. Orgasms are simple but in order to keep a man sex has to become more, well, complicated! Be a lady in the street, freak in the bed, and an angel by his side.

Spencer certainly provided a juicy morsel for thought and although on the surface it’s tough to dispute, I brazenly disagree. His testament to the modesty of men’s needs, especially in matters of the heart, overly simplifies and cloud the path to male fulfillment. Winning and keeping a man is more complicated than targeted massages. The stomach, ego, and penis are worthy of attention but for men to achieve organismic satisfaction in his relationship, women must plunge deeper. Passionate support, delicious sincerity, and penetrating loyalty will make the sex better, his character stronger and home-life more satisfying. Stroking is merely foreplay.